| Thursday, June 19th, 2003 |
[Tue 3 Mar @ 5:03pm] |
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Fuck! I want to kick the shit out of something!
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| Tuesday June 17th, 2003 |
[Mon 23 Feb @ 9:35pm] |
The wedding on Saturday was absolutely adorable and lovely. I enjoyed every bit of it. I know it's mushy to go on and on about the lovey dovey-ness of it, but really it's admirable to see two people so into each other as they were and to be getting married to share the rest of their lives together. Some people are just meant to have their happy endings like that.
George! I think you promised me icecream? I don't let icecream promises go lightly, you should know that by now. I'm available all day, so you can come by and pick me up after work.
I wasn't feeling like a beach trip the other day, sorry I missed out on the fun! I at least hope it was a hilarious time. No accidents with the cliff diving?
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| June 12th, 2003 |
[Sun 14 Sep @ 8:46pm] |
So, I've had a lot of time on my hands and I found an old watercolor set in Ollie's stuff that's probably over a decade old. I remembered how I use to enjoy playing with them when I was younger and well I might have spent a few hours playing with them again. I can't say that anything I did looked like anything specific, but hours went by without me noticing. Which is great, since it gets so quiet over here when he's off practicing for bigger and better things!
[Hexed to George]
I'd like to talk to you about an idea that I had and would like you to be a part of. When can we meet up?
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| June 7th, 2003 |
[Tue 15 Jul @ 11:31am] |
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Oye, I need to find myself a hobby. Sorry Ollie, my boredom has given you a very clean flat. You had several stray socks without their mates in the washroom, so I either found their mates in your drawer or they went to the trash.
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| June 4th, 2003 |
[Tue 3 Jun @ 1:42pm] |
[Hexed to self]
I hate to admit it right now but I can't deny it anymore. I miss him. I go through the entire day not thinking of him and then something will happen that makes me think 'Marcus would find that funny'. Or I go to bed and just as I'm falling asleep it's like I forget about everything that happened and I find myself wondering if he's asleep yet and if I could sneak over to his place and lay with him. Of course the reality is that he's not there for my to lay with and I don't know if I'll ever be able to see him again. It's a war now, there's no denying it and he's chosen his side. He had his side a long time ago and nothing I could have done before now can change that. The only thing I can do is carry on with my own life now. He's not a part of it anymore.
[/hex]
[Hexed to Order]
Alright, I've got my things together and I'm ready to leave my parent's place. My mum and dad think I should stay but they were nice enough to go to my flat and pack my things for me. Ollie, you still have an available space? If not, Roger, you said you had a place right? I promise to leave some food in the fridge after my midnight snacks and only wake you up at 2 in the morning every other night for some icecream and pickles.
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| May 31st, 2003 |
[Mon 21 Apr @ 2:56pm] |
[Hexed private to friends and family]
I've started looking for girl names but nothing has really struck home just yet. My mom is excited about being a grandmother and she keeps trying to buy things for the baby even though I told her that she has to wait because, well you just never know. At any rate, I'm thinking about dropping my flat. I haven't gone there since after the game and I don't want to take up the space. I'm just worried about there being media hanging around the place so I might need a lookout while I go in and pack everything up. I don't know if I'll get a smaller place or just stay with my parents. Truth be told, I'd rather not live at home anymore. I think I got my fill and now I'm back on my feet and ready to take care of myself again. I love being home but I need some space away from the constant checking up.
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| May 29th, 2003 |
[Mon 24 Mar @ 9:02pm] |
I wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting recently. I've been selfish and cowardly and there is no excuse. So don't try and give me one because I've finally convinced myself that I can't rely on excuses anymore.
These past several days I've just wanted to move away to some shack in a different country and disappear. Crawl in some cave and not come out for years. Really, there are bigger and worse things happening out there and I've got to run and hide when things get tough for me. Again, there is no excuse good enough.
I've got to move on and embrace the future, even if we have to fight to keep a future at all, that's what I'll do. I've not lived my life and worked hard for the things that I have just to lose it all to someone who decides they know better. No one decides my future for me. Every step that I've made brought me where I am today and I'll be damned if some bald old man comes along and tells me when to be afraid and when to run and hide.
We are not pawns in a game, toys to be discarded, dinner to be left uneaten on the table. We are independent people and we're going to bring hell down at your door when you come around here knocking at ours.
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| May 25th, 2003 |
[Wed 30 Jan @ 12:07pm] |
[Hexed to friends]
Thanks for being there for me everyone. Thank you for the bear Lavender, that's really sweet of you.
I don't even know what to say right now. I have a moment to myself and for once I'm not crying too badly to see straight, so I'd thought I'd write and hopefully find something that makes sense to me.
The insane thing is that I knew, I mean there was no doubt in my mind that he was a Death Eater, and still I fell for him. I don't know what to think about that. Either I've completely lost it and wasn't able to resist an asshole like him when I've turned down so many other great guys, or there was actually... something.
It's not like I ever thought he would stop being what he was. Yet I was able to push it out of my mind and let my heart lead the way instead of my wits. What the hell, I wasn't even thinking straight. The entire reason I was with him in the first place was because I'd agreed to seriously try out for Montrose and secure a spot on the team in order to get close enough to him to watch for anything we could have used with the Order. Well I certainly got close to him, didn't I. Merlin, I'm having his baby.
Anything else isn't an option. I'm going ahead with the pregnancy. Though I don't know how I'll survive it all. Merlin knows how the masses like to eat up any gossip they can get. Well I'll bet that mine will be mouth watering by some point. I've ruined my reputation.
I've always wanted a family of my own, will a few kids and a garden and the whole packaged deal, who's going to want someone with a kid? And not just that, who would want to settle with the baby of a murderer? Everyone will know, and everyone will hate her.
I'm not blaming the Ministry for this. They did their job and let us know it. How can we blame them for doing what we want them to do? He was a time bomb. I was sitting on a time bomb and I knew it, yet I let it happen, so if anyone wants to find someone to blame, then blame me.
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| profile |
[Fri 7 Dec @ 9:39pm] |
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( Angelina )
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| Tuesday May 20th, 2003 |
[Wed 28 Nov @ 3:02pm] |
[Hexed private to Order]
I went to a check up at Mungo's and it's a girl! My baby is a girl! She'll be due on the 18th of November. I'm excited but I'm nervous too. Hopefully all goes well!
[/Hex]
[Hexed to Marcus]
I love you. After the finals I've got a surprise for you, I hope I can wait until then.
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[Tue 30 Oct @ 6:23pm] |
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Been feeling better, thanks for the pick-me-up Katie, that was great fun and very sweet of you. Practice is going better and we've been crunching it to be in the best shape we can because the Finals are just around the corner and I think it's pretty much obvious that we'll be playing in them. I'm pretty damn excited about it. This will be my first time playing for Montrose and making it to the finals. Not that I've made it to the finals with any other team before, but anyway, it will be a thrill.
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[Thu 18 Oct @ 3:36pm] |
[Hexed to Katie, Oliver, Alicia, Fred and George]
What am I doing? How can I expect to do this anymore? I'm fooling myself by thinking that this is even going to work. How could it? Does he really love me? I'm pretty damned sure he's never said it, but then I always thought that some people don't have to say it really, they can show it through their actions, or their eyes tell you.
Yeah, he's been nicer to me than I've ever seen him be with anyone else, but is that enough to base love on? His actions? I never thought it would be like this, that's for sure. When I thought of love, I always imagined slow dancing in the candle light, getting a surprise rose on the pillow when I wake up in the morning, having dinner made for me just because and not because it was supposed to be a holiday we all celebrate. He blew it off. He blew off Valentine's Day and then made up for it later. I don't even know what to think about that. As for his eyes. I love his eyes, I really do. They can be so deep, but then there's something there that... I don't know. I don't know what to think when he looks at me. What is he thinking? Does he think I'm ugly? What if I'm ugly now? What will he think when my body starts to change? What is he in this for, sex? Can't he just hold my hand?
I'll be staying with my parents for awhile. Sorry Katie and Alicia.
I'm so happy for the two of you, Oliver and Alicia. You love each other and now you're getting married. It's all so perfect.
[/Private]
Sorry that I didn't come to practice this morning. I know it's hard to practice moves when one of us isn't there and all, but I just thought it wise not to be puking all over the pitch.
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[Mon 1 Oct @ 5:43pm] |
[Private to Oliver, Alicia, Katie, Fred, George]
Oliver Fecking Wood. What were you thinking! I'm finding myself without ways to describe the ways in which I want to hurt you right now. Are you trying to kill me?! To kill the baby?! I can't believe you got yourself into this situation! You better be back on your feet soon, because I'm going to knock you back off of them.
In other news, I had a check up today at Mungo's. They were great and helped me keep my privacy so that this doesn't leak out to the general public. Merlin knows how great this would go over with the media... not to mention I don't want Marcus knowing. I want all of this to wait until this season is over. I think then I'll be able to face Marcus and tell him. That way, if he rejects me then I won't let the team down because we will already have won or lost the final, and I won't have to worry about it all while I try to accept it. You're all going to be the god parents/aunts/uncles. I hope you know that.
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| April 15th, 2003 Before Order Meeting |
[Mon 16 Jul @ 9:25pm] |
[Private {except for Ali, Katie, Ollie, and the twins.]
I feel... numb. Ever since I popped by Mungo's to get a check up. My hands won't stop shaking and my stomach is on a continuous roller coaster ride.
This all started out as a simple mission for the Order. Flint was a known Death Eater and we know how true it is when they claimed to have been working for Voldemort under a curse. So being semi skilled with Quidditch, I tried out for his team; just to get close and watch him right? That was my mission. Not to spend personal time with him. Not to get physically close. Not to date him. Not to fall in love... none of that. I was to just gain his trust some how and stay close and watch him. Now look what I've gone and gotten myself into, and not even any shred of information the Order could use. I've blown it all, haven't I. I haven't learned a thing and now I'm in love with a man who is very likely one of my worst enemies. There's no turning back now though, I can't just undo my feelings for him. They're real; as real as I've ever felt for anyone in my entire life. And I know he feels for me too. I've never known Flint to be caring. He's proved to me that he loves me and I can't hurt him. If I hurt him I'll hurt myself and likely end up hating myself. If I learn anything and need to use it; he'll not be harmed.
[/Private]
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| April 13th 2003 |
[Mon 9 Jul @ 7:36pm] |
Well, as most of you might know from reading the prophet or word of mouth, Montrose won our game yesterday against the Wimbourne Wasps. It was a great game with some wonderful plays by both teams. Thanks for everyone who turned out for support! Unfortunately I got ill through the half and had to be replaced. I'm just glad we still won the game and I didn't let everyone down by getting sick. I was just dehydrated.
[Private to self]
Actually I think I'm coming down with something. I don't get sick very often but when I do it sure is a whopper. I just hope I can just play it off during practices and games so as not to attract Marcus' attention. Not to mention playing it off off the pitch...
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[Wed 27 Jun @ 4:13pm] |
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I just shredded the paper. I can't believe this! We need to get back at them! Whoever 'they' are anyway.. but can't we figure this out! You can't just hurt one of us, let alone someone like Professor Lupin and get away with it! Do you really think you can get away with it? Do you? Well you can't!
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[Wed 20 Jun @ 3:36pm] |
Just to let anyone who was wonder know; Marcus made up for his Valentine blunder. Apparently it was on purpose just to make me mad so I would storm over there; and he could wallow in his victory, and then he could surprise me. It was nice actually. A nice dinner that he made him self. It was a very sweet evening.
In other news, Montrose's next game is on April 8th against the Vrasta Vultures! You all know what you need to do; so come out and support me us! This season is going swimmingly and all the extra hours of practice has gotten us so intune with each other that we're able to anticipate moves and plays without having to waste so much time looking around. It's going a lot smoother.
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[Fri 1 Jun @ 9:09am] |
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I'm going to kill him. Who does that?! We've been dating for how long now and he pulls this now?! I'm going to kill him.
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[Mon 14 May @ 5:47am] |
Well Marcus has redeemed himself. Luckily for him He made dinner at his place for the two of us and it turned out to be sweeter than he probably wanted it to be. Marcus Flint has a soft side after all; although he'd probably like to keep that as disclosed information, but he'll get over it. At least he better. He was nervous, even though he tried to hide it, I think he was really trying to impress me. That boy can actually cook. Of course there were afters, I mean, we were at his place already and he did need to be rewarded for his hard work in cooking a nice meal and forcing himself to be nice.
Practices have been hard, but where else could we get these rock hard bodies from? Though mine might need a day off soon. That's right folks, despite my captain's words to the contrary, Angelina has just complained about Quidditch. Now; as for the day off... Marcus?
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[Mon 9 Apr @ 11:52am] |
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Ok, who needs a night out? I mean, like getting together and playing a game of some kind and just hanging out? I need to get out of my flat when it’s not about Quidditch and be with people who want to be with me. Marcus hasn’t asked me out for too long and I’m tired of waiting around. I would love anyone who wanted to spend some time with the Johnson Volcano.
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[Sun 26 Nov @ 11:35pm] |
{Private to Self}
I... don't know what to say exactly. I can't just blurt this out because I would feel too giddy and girlish about it. It needs to be explained. Somewhere, even if it's just for my eyes only.
Marcus Flint. Where do I start with this one? There was the first kiss. Wait no, it goes farther back than that, let's start with Hogwarts. I couldn't stand him and luckily for us we were in separate Houses and separate years so we didn't see too much of each other. Why did I hate him? Well everyone did. He was an ass, still is, and he could have cared less for everyone around him. Bastard. What the fuck changed?!
Well, a lot did; yet he's still the same. Isn't he? Outside of Hogwarts the House differences aren't as strong as within the school. So maybe that was a change? No. Not that, it was Quidditch. Yes, it had to be Quidditch. We were on a professional team. Well he was there first, I tried out knowing he was captain. Here someone would ask me why. A very good question too, I hated him, I knew he hated me. Yet I tried out for his team. I'd answer that it wasn't for him, it was for me. Montrose is a team with a lot of greatness behind it's name and I wanted something good for myself. Selfish? Right, the captain was an ass face that I'd rather clobber than fly with, so selfish of me. No, I wanted to play for the team, not for the captain, and take that record with me to something bigger. Besides, they had asked me to come to the tryouts, so I really should be blaming that on them. It wasn't my fault.
So I was with him. Same team. Same practice every day. Same games. Same celebrations afterward. I did successfully ignore him for a good while, but we all know how it is with teams. There aren't many of us for one thing. He's a chaser, I'm a chaser, it's a little hard to avoid contact. So I guess it was inevitable that we'd get caught up in the celebrations or the whole team spirit thing and involve the other in a comment or a conversation. Ok, that done; we both survived and might have seen survival as a good thing. I had yet to kill him and he had yet to give me good a enough reason to. Practice. Games. Team dinners.... it all blurs together and I think I started to let him in more and he must have done the same, he was talking to me after all. So I thought maybe when he said something to me, that we were at the point where I could believe him. Which is probably why it pissed me off so much that he didn't keep his word to come help me out when I was remodeling my flat. I was pissed and intended to let him know it. That somehow led to me agreeing to have a drink with him. What the fuck! Right? Pissed to drinks? Yeah, I can't explain that one other than I was on my period so I slipped, give me a break. Not that drinks went over well. We got pissed, yelled and ranted, caused a scene, I almost quit the team, and then we kissed. Yes, another unexplainable thing. I liked it. Was it because he was a bad boy? NO! Of course not, I had fought against him in the bloody war! He had been my enemy! I had gotten him arrested and I KNEW he was what he was even though the Ministry bought the bull shit about it being the Imperious. Then what was it? I think there had been something there for a long time that I had been fighting against and never thought to acknowledge. Call me stubborn. I am.
So after that kiss, he asked me to dinner. Or did he? I don't remember anymore when that happened. Oh yes, he wanted to do something with me. Like a real date or however he put it. I agreed. Must I point out again that I was on my period? Well I was. The dinner was so surprisingly amazing. No, he didn't get any when we were done, and he didn't press the matter either. It impressed me so naturally I agreed for another date. It went well and we continued like that for awhile. He went to my birthday party. I started to really look forward to our dates. I was starting to have fun and relax more around him. The Halloween ball was... well it was great. The afterwords was even better.
I can say it now, I want to take him home to meet my parents, because I've thought alot and maybe my heart has done more thinking than my brain, but I think I love him.
{/Private}
Well, one ball down another to come! Who's going to bring in the New Year at the Ministry's New Years ball? I'll be damned if I don't go! It's going to be a masquerade from all accounts I've heard.
Montrose has won yet another game. Thank you to everyone who came out to support us. I really love seeing my friends and family in the press of the crowd! Go MAGPIES!
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[Wed 25 Oct @ 10:39am] |
Privet to Self
Bloody hell, I enjoyed myself on that fecking date with Flint?! It's not public yet deary, you can squash this before it goes any further. I bloody nearly killed him and got him thrown into prison during the war! What would people think of me now, dating the fecker?! Ok, I'm not dating him. It was one date dinner with him, is all it was. Just dinner and not a date. Even though he plainly called it a date when he asked me to go with him... FUCK!
End Private
Alicia, Katie, you know we have to get together again. It can't just end on that note; as good a note as it was, we have to let it continue! How's about a club night? Or we stay at one of our places and do games and bring drinks and such?
So I finally did finish remodeling my flat, don't recall if I ever told anyone that. But I did! Even though with Peter's help it was more fun and games than work, but we managed quite nicely I think.
Quidditch is going great of course, we've always been a hard working team and it showed last year just as well as it's showing this year. We succeed because of ourselves of course, no outside bitches people could push us more.
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[Thu 14 Sep @ 11:47am] |
Still working on my flat. I think I'll just slosh paint all over the walls and call it done. I knew it would be alot of work but maybe I wasn't ready for it. So for now I'm living in a disater.
Marcus! You didn't show! I waited for like three hours before I finally gave up and went to feed my starvation. Bastard, I'll claw your eyes out now, just you wait.
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[Wed 6 Sep @ 10:06am] |
{Private to self}
I can't believe this, but then I can't deny it. That bastard is in my thoughts too much to be considered healthy. What the hell right? And the bad part is that I have to see him nearly EVERY day! Argh! I could just rip something up right now!
{/Private}
Great start to the season! That first game was bloody beautiful, you know you can't deny it. Montrose is having an awesome winning start for this new season. Took the league last season, so we have some expectations to fill again this season.
As for myself, I'm doing good. I just started to remodel my flat; mostly because I'm bored at home. So I'm getting some new furniture and paints and such. I've got my kitchen done, just the rest of the flat to go... help would be brilliant.
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